Monday, December 21, 2009

Top 5 Christmas Movies In 5 Words Or Less

I felt like this needed to be done but my lack of time prevented a full blogs so enjoy this teeny tiny blog. Top 5 Christmas movies in 5 words or less.

5) A Christmas Story 1983- Every kids childhood.






























4) How The Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon) 1966- Dr. Seuss is a genius.


























3) Mr. Krueger's Christmas 1980- Jimmy Stewart. 'Nuff said.


























2) It's A Wonderful Life 1946- See #3



























1) Elf- BUDDY: I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. (this is not cheating, hyphenated words are technically one word, I looked it up. Also since this little side not is not a part of my argument I have safely stayed within the parameters of the 5 word limit rule.)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Top 5 Sexiest Female Characters

I want to preface this blog with an apology for the sellout move I pulled last week by posting a blog in which "Twilight" regrettably appeared. "Twilight" should not be in a "Top 5" for anything that may display it in a positive light. To my readers I apologize. I am ashamed.

Now that we have that out of the way. This week's topic has the purpose of balancing out the estrogen filled blog that my sexual frustration produced last week. Today we can, in a completely heterosexual way, put together a blog brimming with testosterone. Men, please understand that this is completely from a female's point of view. I am quite sure we have different ideas of what is and is not sexy. I did, however, do my research. I received input from men I trust and put together what is a pretty solid "Top 5", but I am a woman. Be understanding.

5- Allison (Zooey Deschanel) --Yes Man:
She is a little crazy, a little offbeat but that's why we love her. I remember when Zooey Deschanel first got big. A good friend, we will call her "Cassi" to protect her identity, introduced me to some of her work. I knew right off women would love her. She is feminine, beautiful, fearless and so obviously a woman's woman. Then, less than six months later a friend we will call "Chuck" pointed her out in a movie preview exclaiming, "There is just something about that girl!". Ever since then she is all I hear about from both sexes. It surprises me a little because she isn't typical and, no offense to men, but men usually like something a little more typical. It is that atypical charisma that shines through in her work. It is especially apparent in "Yes Man".
Even the most carefree and irresolute of people have fearful moments. There is this idea that a woman like Allison could make us all a little more bold. Her quirky hobbies and unusual talents are what make her fun. It is her physical appearance that makes her beautiful. It is her complete confidence that makes her sexy.

4-Penny Lane (Kate Hudson) --Almost Famous:
Kate Hudson, queen of the romantic comedy, has been in eighteen movies to date. Ninety percent of her movies are rubbish. Ordinarily she plays the cliche female lead. A character that offends my delicate film sensibilities. A character that insults my intelligence and diminishes a woman's desire for individuality. In spite of my misdirected antipathy towards the romantic comedy leading lady I still manage to love Kate Hudson in "Almost Famous". Without that film she would be down my list of favorites hanging out with Jessica Alba. That being said it doesn't matter how much I like or dislike her and the movies she is in. This isn't "Top 5 Actresses Based Solely On Their Acting Ability", it is "Top 5 Sexiest Actresses" and she is number 4.
Penny Lane pretty because of her genetics, but she is sexy because she made herself that way. She is sexy because she knows she is. To convince someone of her sex appeal all she did was fake the self confidence a sexy women has. I watched the movie several times before I realized it was artificial. It is that slight, almost undetectable, air of vulnerability that drives her from boyish to sexy. That and her phenomenal legs.

3- Viann (Juliette Binoche) Chocolat:
There is something about a women who works with chocolate. It is unbelievably sexy. Viann is a strong independent single mother who has just moved to a small town in France to open a chocolaterie during Lent. The town is almost completely devout Catholic and her presence and red shoes cause quite a stir among the locals. She has, however, moved their with a mission and refuses to back down to anyone. She lives her life in such an unashamed and audacious manner. I like her for her moxie, I think its sexy.
2- O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) --Kill Bill Volume I:

O-Ren Ishii is delightfully sadistic, yet celestially mellow. She is completely unique in her look and her character . Completely destructive and malicious, she still has an air of decency and nobility. Her beauty is unconventional, but that individuality is what makes her so forceful . It is easy to see why Ishii is appealing.

Lucy Liu is a beautiful women without any help, but Quenton Tarantino created a character with just enough crazy to sling shot her into the "sexy" category. I so thoroughly enjoy the scene where she has just become the leader of the Yakuza gang in Tokyo. It so perfectly accentuates her insanity. A member of her council accuses her of degrading their organization with her half Japanese half Chinsese-American heritage. She unhesitatingly removes his head with a Samurai sword. Then, starting in an understanding tone, addresses the situations. Here is what she says:

O-Ren Ishii: "As your leader, I encourage you to -- from time to time and always in a respectful manner -- to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so. But allow me to convince you. And I will promise you, right here and now, no subject will be taboo ... except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. (*up to this point she is very kind, almost maternal about the whole situation*) The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or my American heritage as a negative is, (*here is where the crazy comes out*) I collect your fucking head. (holds up a decapitated head) Just like this fucker here. Now if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME!! ... I didn't think so."

Now, we all know how I love a good Samurai sword scene, so let's just jump right into the next one. Her face-off with "The Bride" (Uma Thurman) is legendary. O-Ren is dressed completely in white and the setting is outside in a snow covered garden. As she removes her Gettas and slowly takes her sword from its sheath her cool, confident conduct is unbelievably sexy. The sword crosses her face horizontally exposing only her almond shaped eyes and freckled mouth. The control with which she moves creates a feeling of complete contentedness only to be shattered by the speed at which she strikes her enemy. The entire scene is perfectly constructed to create an enormously sexy character.

1- Maggie "The Cat" (Elizabeth Taylor) Cat On A Hot Tin Roof:

There is a scene in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" where Maggie (Taylor) is cleaning ice cream off of her stockings. She starts out in heels, a skirt, a blouse and stockings. She detaches her guarders and then works her way down to nothing but a slip. The entire time she is complaining to Brick (Paul Newman) in a sultry southern drawl about her sister-in-law's "no neck" children. The conversation seems so casual it is as though being sexy is as second nature as breathing to her.

Elizabeth Taylor is the most stunning women that ever graced the silver screen. Her dark hair and violet eyes are an electrifying contrast. The curve of her figure is, to say the least, ideal. She is feminine, graceful, beautiful and strong. Even her presence has undeniable sex appeal. She was impeccably casted for this film.

Maggie's character was developed to be sexy, to be irresistible, in order to show the extent of the marital problems between her and Brick. It is a bad marriage when two people that beautiful resent each other too much to make intimacy work. However, the chemistry between her and her bitter husband is undeniable. They have, beyond doubt, the sexiest sexual tension in any film to date. What they lacked in romance they made up for in drama.
Despite the problems they had Maggie was determined to win Brick back no matter the cost. There are obvious issues that my ever so slightly feminist pride has with this. However, I do appreciate her ability to manipulate to get her way. Even her neediness is sexy. She was powerful in the only way she could have been in her situation during that time.
Beautiful, manipulative, and determined Maggie "The Cat" is a triple threat. She is iconic. She is the epitome of sexy. Every women wants to be her and no man can resist her. She is, undeniably, the sexiest women of all time.