Top 5 Monologues

What is a great monologue? Great monologues are what you think up in the shower, but don't have the guts to say. You know what I'm talking about, the shower confrontation. You get slighted by someone and you are going to give them a talking to. Maybe you are finally going to tell your best friend to start paying for their own lunch, but nothing ever leaves the shower. A great monologue is your life's mission statement. It sounds fabulous in your head, but the problem with monologues is that's the only place they are mind blowing. That's why we love a good monologue. It's what you wish you had said, but someone, who is much wittier than you or I, wrote it before we had the opportunity to use it.


5-V For Vendetta: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villian by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengence; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.


This is pure Dr. Seuss after a night of mixing uppers and downers. It is my childhood on crack cocaine. It is set in the darkest dream I have ever had. It's a lonely London alley way where a masked man has just chased off Natalie Portman's assailants. He is not someone I would want to meet in a dark alley, but his words that follow this act of bravery are those of an eccentric genius. The simplicity of alliteration is hypnotizing, universal, and just plain entertaining. The writer is gifted. No word is out of place. There is reason behind each idea. From start to finish what is intended to be said is said in an intelligent and organized fashion. It's elegant to read and elegant to hear. There is a feeling of poetry as though a great work of art was written, then the movie was built around it. In short this was a phonetically phenomenal, fabulously filmed, fine flick.


4- Marlon Brando, On The Water Front: It wasn't him, Charley, it was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, "Kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Wilson." You remember that? "This ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Charlie, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money. You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Charlie.

Remember what I said earlier about monologues being the things we can't bring ourselves to say? This is the epitome of the "confrontation monologue". When Brando speaks these words he sounds like a real person. It is something that someone might actually say. There is so much feeling behind these words, so much emotion. I can't help but be pulled in because of the honesty in his voice. Not for one second of this monologue is he Marlon Brando. He is Terry. He is an inner city bum. My heart breaks for him. The words do not feel scripted. He is just having a conversation with his brother. I love the imperfections of this monologue and I love the the performance. It is a near perfect monologue. If you don't believe me just think, how many times have you heard the words, "I coulda been a contender."

3-Ewan McGregor, Trainspotting (1996): "Choose life, choose a job, choose a career, choose a family, choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments, choose a starter home, choose your friends. Choose leisure-wear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite and higher purchase and a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you've spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future, choose life. But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life, I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons! Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?'

Why is it so good? Anyone who has seen "Train Spotting" more than once can repeat at least one line from this monologue. The words are easily recognized on T-shirts and bumper stickers. The reason it is universally loved, the reason it is so quotable, is because it makes living without responsibility look like the most fun anyone could possibly have. Seeing a young Ewan Mcgegor being chased through the streets by a couple of cops in his oh-so nineties attire while his monologue is playing as a voice over makes me want to jack TVs. The first time around this monologue might seem like nothing special. However, after watching the film from start to finish, the next time you hear the words "Choose life" you may find yourself leaning forward in your chair, hanging on to every word of Renton's (Ewan Mcgregor) enthralling, self-destructive mantra.

2- American Beauty: I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time....for me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars...and yellow leaves, from the maple trees that lined our street...Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper...and the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janie...and Janie. And... Carolyn. I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me...but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...You will someday.

I struggled to put my feelings into words for this monologue. I didn't know where to start, but I remembered a conversation I had with my oldest sister a couple weeks ago. Instead of going off on my usual rant I just want tell write about it.
Summer and I were discussing that fact that we had never argued about anything in all of my 22 years of life. We dove into politics, art, ideas, anything that might spark some sort of altercation. There were differences of opinion. I am slightly liberal, she is more conservative. I tend to be a follower of dark cult classics while she enjoys foreign films about food. However, there was no knock down, drag-out, honest-to-goodness argument. Why? It is not only because she is my sister and I love her. The deeper reason is because we have a mutual love of life. We as human beings have the ability to create beautiful art, to enjoy culture, and to have unique thoughts and ideas. But what is the point if we can't share them freely? I want to hear what introspections my sister has and I want her to hear mine. I want to show her things that I love and I want to experience what she loves. I want to hear, see, feel and taste all of the beauty in the world and I want to do it unbridled by anger or fear. I want to learn french, play the banjo, see something that has no explanation, hear music I've never heard before, and acknowledge views that aren't my own. Most of all, I want to see life from another perspective and recognize that it is beautiful. I desire nothing more than to have a life free from anger, hate, and fear. I desire completely peaceful happiness. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by my desires that "my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain". The reason I love this monologue is because every time I hear it I am touched by another's love of life.

1-Samuel L Jackson, Pulp Fiction (1994): The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

How do I know that this is an exceptional monologue? It makes me want to purchase a gun every time I see it. Any movie that makes me want to buy a weapon gets a spot on my list of classics. The fact that Quinton Tarantino could do it with one passage of scripture, that he didn't even write, is one of many reasons "Pulp Fiction" landed the number 1 spot. Start to finish this was a perfectly performed monologue. (It was perfectly written as well but I am not sure who gets credit for the bible). Take the fire and brimstone out of a Baptist Minister, and channel it into a man who is a professional thug. What do you get? A classic monologue. Samuel L. Jackson starts out soft and slow as though he is teaching a child something very important. As he progresses to the middle of the scripture there is the realization he is not teaching, he is scolding. By the end he crescendos into outright punishment. Quinton keeps the camera on him the entire time. Adjusting only to show a relaxed Vincent (John Travolta) casually pull out his chromed .45 Auto Ordnance 1911A1 with pearl grips and wait for Jules to finish. Also, take into consideration the dialogue directly before the monologue; Jules asking Brad (whom the monologue is directed towards) if he broke his concentration after casually shooting Brad's friend in the head. That is old school Tarantino all the way. Anything else would have been disappointing. I am getting PUMPED just writing about it. This monologue is epic, don't question it, just go out and watch it for yourself. I have just one question... what is in the briefcase?



Great monolgues that didn't quite make the cut (not in any particular order):

Fight Club-Brad Pitt- The Rules of Fight Club

A League of Their Own-Tom Hanks- There is No Crying in Baseball

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof- Elizabeth Taylor- I Feel Like a Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

To Kill A Mocking Bird- Gregory Peck- Someone Else's Shoes

To Kill A Mocking Bird- Gergory Peck- Opening Arguement

Brave Heart-Mel Gibson- (you know exactly which one I'm talking about)

Devils Advocate- Al Pacino- He's An Absintee Land Lord

Tropic Thunder- Tom Cruise- I Will F*** You Up

Silence of the Lambs- Anthony Hopkins- The Boys Found You

Casa Blanca- Humphrey Bogart- I'm No Good At Being Noble

Schindler's List- Liam Neeson- Why Did I Keep the Car?

High Fidelity- John Cusack- Top 5 Break Ups



Feel free to post your input, anything I missed?

Top 5 Zombie Movies

I never thought I would be one to have a blog. I always wondered who bloggers thought they were to assume I wanted to take time out of my day to hear their thoughts on anything. So why then am I starting my very own blog? It's possible that I am hoping Rolling Stone magazine will recognize my talent over all of the millions of young adults trying to get famous via blogging and pay me six figures to analyze pop culture. It may be that I need something to invest my creative energy into before my brain turns into sticky grayish goo. If I were completely honest with myself, I would say that I really do believe deep down that the rest of the world should be interested in my thoughts. They are interesting after all. If they weren't, I wouldn't have them. Whatever the reason is, this is happening. So get ready. Here comes my first ever blog. The theme: Top 5 Zombie movies of all time.


5- "Shaun of the Dead"
Short synopsis- The movie opens with Shaun (Simon Peg) and Liz (Kate Ashfield) arguing about their relationship. The fight results in a break up, and this turns Shaun and Ed (Shaun's flatmate played by Nick Frost), to a wild night of drinking. They get so pissed that they don't notice the flesh eating zombies all around them. After they sober up and figure it out, the proverbial feces collides with the rotating, air-cooling device. They come up with the perfect plan; Kill Shaun's zombie step father, save Shaun's mum, rescue Liz (maybe get back together in the process), go to their favorite pub (the Winchester), and wait things out. Of course events don't go as planned, but Shaun finds himself and fulfills his potential as a Zombie slayer.

This movie received the honor of being #5 because of my deep appreciation for dry British humor. It's the kind of humor that makes you want to say, "I know, right?!" For example, why is it that in zombie movies no one ever calls zombies zombies? or, how can zombies tell that we aren't zombies, couldn't we potentially walk right past them if we moved slowly and groaned? or, How do people suddenly come into the possession of super sweet weapons when the dead rise, wouldn't we all, realistically, be carrying around golf clubs and rolling pins?
I love the relatability of the characters. I like that Shaun, an underachiever, instantly thrives in a world over run by the living dead. I would like to think that I would also kick trash with a cricket bat if I were in his situation. I like that I have friends like Ed who seem to really enjoy their sedentary life style, and I like that I have friends like Pete who can't stand my friends like Ed. I like the idea of holding up in my favorite venue just for the familiarity of it. I like Shaun generally as a person. So is there anything really fantastic about this movie? Is it any great cinematic feat? No, I just enjoyed it like sometimes I enjoy carne asada fries, which have no real nutritional value. This movie is fast food.


4- "Fido"
Short synopsis- "Fido" is set in post apocalyptic America. Scientists working for Zomcon have designed a collar that can be put on zombies to control their behavior turning them into low cost slaves. Timmy Robinson spends most of his days being picked on or ignored but when his mother buys the family a zombie he finds the undead middle aged man makes a great companion. Timmy soon realizes that making friends with a zombie can mean trouble when Fido's collar malfunctions and he eats the cranky neighbor lady. In the end the Robinsons pull together to keep Fido apart of the family.

Usually satires are not my favorite genre of movie but in this case I thoroughly enjoyed not one but two Zombie satires. As much as Shaun of the Dead tickled me I have to say that Fido really blew it out of the water. Andrew Currie is one imaginative fellow to be able to put zombies into 1950s suburbia and make it work. The vibrant color and symmetry of each shot is unparalleled. He made the violence and gore somehow seem as beautifully put together as the 1950s house wives surrounded by it.

The screen play unfolded much like an episode of Lassie but the Collie is replaced with a zombie. Timmy is a well behaved boy, but trouble finds him, luckily the zombie retrieves help. Eventually the day is saved and a lesson is learned. The characters are carefully constructed to fit perfectly into a stereotypical 1950s neighborhood. Timmy is a good natured, curious boy who doesn't go looking for trouble. Mrs. Robinson is careful to turn each traumatic event into a lesson. The Father is emotionally absent and very careful not to acknowledge the existence of sex, especially in front of his wife. The cleverness of this satirical version of 1950s America is unmatched by any satire I have seen to date. Watch it, but take it for what it is.


3- "Night of the Living Dead"
Short synopsis- While visiting their mother's grave Barbara (Judith O'dea) and her brother are attacked my zombies, forcing Barbara to flee to a nearby abandoned house. There she finds others hiding out waiting to be rescued by the government. Zombies soon surround the property and tensions rise between the inhabitants of the house when each group comes up with their own plan for survival.

For this little project, I had to step outside my cinematic comfort zone. I normally would have predetermined that any zombie movie made before 1985 would be cheesy and therefore not worth my time. However, George A. Romero's original 1968 version of Night of the Living Dead was phenomenal. This was, in my humble opinion, the first zombie movie. Not chronologically, but it was the first zombie movie much like Psycho was the first murder mystery. It set the stage for generations of filmmakers. The camera work would be considered amateurish if it were in any other film but it is unapologetically imperfect, and it works. The story was less graphic then Romero's other work but violence wasn't the focus. It was about the people, the environment they were put in, and their reaction to it. This was a perfectly constructed film with a perfectly constructed, unforgettable ending.


2- "Dawn of the Dead"-
Short synopsis- A pilot, his girlfriend, and two gunmen for the military make plans to take a helicopter above the chaos after some unknown force reanimates the bodies of the dead. They eventually come to the unfortunate conclusion that they can't stay in the air forever. They land on the roof of a mall and barricade themselves inside, creating their own home safe from the death that surrounds them. They take the proper precautions, but they know it wont last forever, eventually people, dead or undead, will find a way in and ruin their perfect world.

6 months ago I was having an argument with a friend about the greatest zombie movie ever made. He insisted that it was Dawn of the Dead (2004). I wanted to disagree, but since I had never seen it I had to sit down and watch it in order to have a valid argument for my personal favorite. It was good. I will give it that but I wont give it anymore than that. About a month ago my cousin lent me George A Romero's original Dawn of the Dead (1978) and let me tell you, the remake does not do the original justice. I don't know if I loved this movie more for the gruesome cinematography, or because it would be rad to take over a mall from a bunch of reanimated corpses.

Lets start with the blood and guts. Tom Savini's effects were incredible, special effects generally get better with time but Savini's work in this film has never since been outdone. There is this image that I see clearly in my mind of a machete going half way through the skull of young looking zombie while his eyes look straight at you. It was more disturbing than bodies being ripped to pieces or entrails being removed and eaten by the dirty hands of the deceased.

Why I love the story: Give me a shot gun and a mall to reclaim from zombies and you have created for me the ideal Saturday afternoon. If you say that this scenario doesn't appeal to you even a little bit, you are a liar. I have this vision of myself someday donning leather from head to toe, kickin' it in the Apocalypse with a sawed-off shotgun and a machete. There may even be a chopper of the motorcycle variety involved. Of course this is completely ridiculous because I am unbelievably vanilla, but you've got to have dreams right? Anyway... I digress. This is an amazing screen play because it could have been taken anywhere but it was taken right back the imperfect human condition. That condition being that we like stuff, we like property we like something to call our own. When the Apocalypse does come we will search out that very thing. Even if we have to battle armies of flesh eaters to get it.

I only had to see this movie once for it to land a spot on my list of classics. If any of you out there are true horror flick fans I will remain unchallenged in saying this movie is legendary.


1- 28 Days Later-
Short Synopsis- Jim (Cillian Murphy) wakes up alone in a hospital. He wanders outside and realizes he is completely alone in the entire city. He soon meets up with Selena (Naomie Harris), a machete wielding badass who explains that most of the country has been "infected". She teaches him how to survive as they pick up stragglers and make their way to a military bunker where they start to wonder what is more dangerous; the humans infected with rage, or the men and women who are just trying to survive.

Lets talk straight for a second. I love the effects of classic zombie movies and I am into the gore, the blood and the guts, but they are not scary. They are icky and very entertaining but I feel no terror when I watch them. The "classic" zombie moves slowly, is not very smart and eventually their rotting corpses would become nothing more than a pile of sludge. There is something that sets "28 Days Later" apart from the other Zombie movies and that is the fact the "infected" are paralyzingly scary. They can move with the strength and agility of any living person and you have seconds before you turn if you are bitten by one. There is a scene where Jim (Cillian Murphy) is in a church and a priest who is infected is walking towards him. His eyes are fire red and he looks truly evil, his face is completely full of rage. Now, that is scary.

28 Days Later isn't just about out running "the infected", Danny Boyle gives you more. You see what evil hides in the hearts of man kind. He shows you scenarios of what people are capable of when it's a matter of survival. After Jim, Selena and Hannah arrive at the military bunker Jim is banished because he wont fall in line but he returns in order to save his new companions. The violence he inflicts on a soldier when he sees the mistreatment of his friends is so intense that he appears to Selena to be "infected". It is one of the most chilling cinematic moments of all time.

Cillian Murphy is as outstanding as ever, and why he doesn't do more is beyond me. The impressive Naomie Harris is not out done by her co-star. It is a perfect example of Danny Boyle's (Slumdog Millionaire/ Trainspotting) diversity. This movie is truly terrifying, but beautifully done. A great work of cinematic art.

"This is what I've seen in the four weeks since infection, people killing people. Which is much what I saw in the four weeks before the infection and the four weeks before that and before that as far back as I care to remember. People killing people. Which in my mind puts us in a state of normality right now."

-Major Henry West 28 Days Later