The other day at work my cousin, Byron, sent me a video of this older lady sucker punching one of her co-workers right in the grill. It is a good solid hit. This woman clearly had motive. Her co-worker had irritated her so far past her threshhold that the only logical solution was to publicly debase her. We all know someone that we want to kick in the teeth, though we hold back because it's not kosher. But to this 60-something, middle class, slave to "the man" I say Mazal Tov for finally breaking the bonds of civilized social America. This video is responsible for this week's blog. So, let's get down to some good ol' fashioned, take the law into your own hands, fist pumping with a hearty "YEAH" vengeance!
5- Gladiator- Commodus (Joaquin Pheonix): There are two types of people in the world. Type 1: People who saw Jaoquin Pheonix in Gladiator before anything else. Type 2: People who saw him in anything but Gladiator first. The 2nd type of person has no problem with him, but the first type... well... they tend to have a deeply seeded hatred for the poor guy. Luckily I saw him in Signs, Walk The Line, and The Village before I saw him in Gladiator. Therefore, I can appreciate him as an actor without seeing the contemptible Commodus every time I see his face. However, I did a major fist pump when he gets his at the end of Gladiator. Lets reflect on the deeds of Commodus... He kills his father, he kills Maximus' family, enslaves Maximus, and tries to get a little too close to his sister, among other really upsetting acts. This guys definitely deserves the shame of a knife to the throat in front of his entire kingdom.
4- The Departed- Collin Sullivan (Matt Damon): There are bad guys that are just bad through and through. The audience knows it. The character knows it. Everyone knows it. Then there are the Collin Sullivans. They are the type that no one but the audience realize are bad. Their friends, their co-workers, their girlfriends all think that they are good, law abiding citizens. However, you and I know better. That is why watching him get his is so satisfying. Someone finally recognizes what the congregation has been trying to communicate to the good guys from their seats in the theater. Collin Sullivan is that bad dude. It discredits humanity that a man like him can get away with being a dirtbag for so long. There is also the issue that all of the characters that he negatively affects are so dang likable, though at times misguided. It is hard not to cheer on baneful Frank Costello, if only because he is played by Jack Nicholson. Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) has such an air of vulnerability about him that his death scene is like watching a puppy get kicked. So, when Staff Sgt. Dignam (Mark Wahlberg) uncovers the truth and shoots the stupefied Sullivan in his own apartment it is a momentous "Fist Pump" moment.
3- Pulp Fiction- The Rapists:
Please note: If you are going to continue reading my blog you need to get used to the fact that Pulp Fiction is going to appear in it unabashedly. This movie has absolutely everything.
I have dreams. Little fantasies I entertain myself with. Certain situations I would like to be put in at least once in my life. One of those situations would be to have a Samurai sword and get a chance to put it to good use. What better use is there than to take out a couple of rapists? Sure it's slightly humorous, though extremely dark, to see Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames), a giant of a man who happens to be L.A.'s biggest and baddest gangster, and Butch Coolidge (Bruce Willis), a boxer whom I am sure has taken some men down in his day, put in this predicament. However, the real entertainment happens in the four, yes four, fist pump moments in this scene. So, in chronological order, here they are:
Fist Pump #1: Butch escapes from the chair his captors have him tied to. This causes "The Gimp", a full grown man dressed up in a leather suit and chains that the rapists keep in a trunk in their basement, to start making some commotion. The "Fist Pump Moment" is when this professional boxer knocks him out with one punch, leaving him limply hanging by the chain around his neck. Satisfaction? Check.
Fist Pump #2: Butch decides that instead of leaving his enemy, Marsellus Wallace, to his fate in the basement he will choose a weapon and be his savior. The scene being set in a pawn shop gives him the freedom to choose just about anything from a baseball bat to a chainsaw. What weapon does this man choose? The Samurai sword. This "Fist Pump" is not so much for the bad guy getting his, but for the realization that he is about to get it with a Samurai sword. "Wish I Had One of Those" moment? Check.
Fist Pump #3: Butch takes out rapist #1 by slicing him across the stomach and then stabbing him in the gut with the backwards thrust of his sword. There is this look on his face that says "I saw this move on TV once and I always wanted to try it out." Who can blame him? That move is classic. Painful death by Samurai sword? Check.
Fist Pump #4: Lastly, Marsellus saying, "Step Aside Butch". Then, without hesitation, shooting the antagonist with a shotgun right where he deserves it. If you don't think that deserves a fist pump, maybe the following dialogue will change your mind.
Butch: What now?
Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'm gonna call a couple of hard, pipe-hitting niggers to go to work on the homies here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy?! I ain't through with you! Not by a damn sight. I'm gonna get medieval on yo' ass!
Butch: I meant, what now between me and you.
Marsellus: Oh, that "what now". I tell you what now between me and you. There is no "me and you". Not no more.
Butch: So we cool?
Marsellus: Yeah, we cool. Two things: one, don't tell nobody about this. This shit is between me, you, and Mr. soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain rapist here. It ain't nobody else's business. Two, you leave town tonight, right now, and when you gone, you stay gone or you be gone. You lost all your L.A. privileges. Deal?
Butch: Deal.
Marsellus: Get your ass out of here.
Lots of pain, terrifying dialogue, and the promise of torture? Check, check and check. I am doing a mental fist pump right now.
2- There Will Be Blood- Eli Sunday (Paul Dano): I know what you are thinking; Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) was no ray of sunshine. He didn't live the most righteous of lives. Maybe he doesn't deserve to be the one to dish out punishment, but by the end of "There Will Be Blood" no one cares who bludgeons Eli Sunday to death as long as it happens. He didn't exactly do anything wrong, but he puts off this air of superiority that just makes me want to curb stop him. I know it's wrong to wish violence on another person, but it's okay if he is irritating, right?
Lets take a minute to applaud Paul Dano. Daniel Day-Lewis is the greatest actor of all time and I am fully confident in saying that. He is a true master of his art. I will hear no argument on the matter, he is absolutely phenomenal. As intimidating as it would be to work with Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano managed to keep up with him. He was supposed to be really ignominious in a religious zealot sort of way, and he was. I was impressed, nay, astounded that I had moments where my attention was completely on Dano. I expect big things from that man.
1- Death Proof- Stunt Man Mike (Kurt Russel): This is Kurt Russel's very best role. The way he played Stunt Man Mike was inordinate, yet unsuspecting. He was corrupt, but decent. He was simple, yet calculating. Mike was perfectly developed in making his demise matchless. SMM's (Stunt Man Mike) MO was to find a group of girls and kill them with his "Death Proof" car. His big mistake is trying to take on Kim (Tracie Thomas), Abernathy (Rosario Dawson), and Zoe (Zoe Bell), a group of girls who work in the film industry, two of which are professional stuntmen themselves. He chases them down while they are performing some recreational and reckless stunts in a classic 1970 white Dodge Challenger. After repeatedly ramming into them and eventually throwing Zoe from the hood of the car, the three ladies decide to exact a little revenge. Zoe grabs a pipe and they head off to the find the psychopathic stunt man. After the most epic car chase of all time he rolls what's left of his vehicle. The infuriated heroines drag him from the car and give him the beating of his life, ending with Rosario Dawson giving him an axe kick to the face. The entire time SMM is being chased his horror is physically manifested by the tears of a full grown man. His fear is the most satisfying part of this prodigious "Fist Pump" moment.
Note: If you have an idea for a post let me know, I am completely open to suggestions.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
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